I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
