capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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