not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
