Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Soap is not a condiment
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
