Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
