I puked a lego.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
