I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
