GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
