so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
