y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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