I think I won the penis lottery.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
