I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
