I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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