I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
