Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
