He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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