just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
