soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
