I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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