I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
