hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
