hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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