She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
