I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
