I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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