Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
40s are totally the cure
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
