Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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