i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
