Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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