Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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