The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
