The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
