Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
