What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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