I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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