dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
