This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
