I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
