get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i need some magic done to my vagina
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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