I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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