i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The power of my boobs compel you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
