you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society