i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days