Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
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please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.