You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush