you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair