awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
