Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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