i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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