tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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