I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
pray to the hookup gods
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
