3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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