just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
