my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
