My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
