I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
