I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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