Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
