Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
