I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
birth control should be required to get into college
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
