Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
