I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We just shotgunned beers for America
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
