Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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