oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
