Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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