Kiss
Puke
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
