Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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