You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
