i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
