The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
